I remember like it was yesterday. Turning 21 was much less eventful than I had imagined. I was home for the summer from college, exactly where I didn't want to be in small town Pennsylvania far from big city life in Philadelphia. I was home in the house I grew up in, in the town that I was born. Sure, today the idea of small town America sounds a bit like a dream, but I was a different person then, concerned only with what took place within the grid of the concrete jungle, transformed from rural daydreamer to urban wanderer.
Just like back in my pre-college days, I ended up having my birthday near a mall. Yes, a mall. Just like Shannon Doherty would have wanted it. Bennigans, to be specific, in a mall parking lot to be exact. I think Bennigans could be likened to the cooler older brother of TGI Fridays, that other cathedral of fine dining. I wasn’t even a big Bennigans fan but I had to work the next day so that would do just fine. And by work I mean shovel exploded animal remains from the hot road otherwise known as the Pennsylvania Turnpike. That’s the kind of turnpike with “rest areas” scattered from one side of PA to the other. Oh how I love a good truck stop (conjuring images of a JT Leroy book in my head)! Alas, turnpike adventures are another story for another collection of writing perhaps.
Bennigans it was, with Faith and Sheli. Like sisters they were and are today. Turning 21 was a big event even if it was the simple confirmation that getting into the club was now an official option. Believe me, back then getting into the club was all I was interested in. The dance floor was like going to church in the way that some people really love to go to church. Hallelujah the DJ is King! That birthday night at Bennigans was a simple celebration of what we knew was to come. It was a turning point for us. Something we waited for and talked about for years. We can drink! Legally! We can PARTY! It was a big deal even though that night for me was more about the fried foods covered in cheese. It ain’t a celebration unless something is fried, I always think but never say. I was far too responsible to deal with a hangover when I had to be at work at the crack of dawn the next day. Picking up trash on the side of the road in the glory of Northeastern U.S. summer heat is nearly impossible let alone with a headache and death gut.
Turning 21 wasn’t so much about reflection as it was pure anticipation of increasing the capacity for a good time. Turning 40 feels more like a time for reflection and the consideration of what it’s time to let go of that’s been getting too heavy in the luggage of life, the baggage. What can I let go of that is taking up too much room? What do I need to receive that can fill some of the newly freed up space. How specifically do I want to be the architect of the next segment of my life?
When I was 21 I had a hard time imaging the future. I thought everyone around me had it all figured out. I viewed other people as confident, smart, attractive and creative. I didn’t look, act or express like them. Being me felt less than in the mirror of others. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going and it seemed like everyone else had more of a clue. So what’s different now? I’m just beginning to get comfortable with the fact that I am me and you are you and that is a magical thing. I’d rather not switch places with you anymore. It’s true, I may be envious of your bank account but I’d just like to genuinely hear what it’s (life, being human) like for you. I’ll be trying my best to not compare myself to you and to not feel smaller than you. More importantly, I’ll try really hard to catch myself when I’m making judgments about you because “without judgment” is a profound skill. That’s the key. It’s like gratitude but I’ll probably want to mention that later. So let’s connect over some tea. I’d even seriously consider fried cheesy things but in smaller portions than 19 years ago. Who am I kidding! I’ll eat enough for the both of us. Some things never change so let's pig out on May 21, 2014.
Please Note: I’m not a grammar expert. I’m not a sentence structure expert. There will be mistakes. I just learned to get comfortable with that. You should too. There is however never an excuse to skip the spell check feature.