I’m on the top of Mount Madonna in California. It’s near-ish Monterey, Santa Cruz and 90 minutes from Big Sur or something like that. I don’t know where I am in California unless it’s within walking distance from my house or near that champagne factory (I mean vineyard) in Sonoma County. I came here as part of this month of celebration: 10 years as a bodyworker, 8 years ago this months that I quit my full time job to become a bodyworker, just completed my second year of graduate school and last but not least turning forty on May 21. So yeah, celebrating all that stuff. I’m participating in a five day Ayurvedic bodywork intensive (tax deductible, duh!) at the Mount Madonna Institute College of Ayurveda, which is part of Mount Madonna Center. It’s one of those places where a community of about 85 people lives and takes care of everything. There are classes in all sorts of stuff from yoga to consciousness and bodywork to probably yoni massage. Jon Kabat-Zinn was here last week filming a piece for 60-minutes on Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and Anderson Cooper (something weird about probably needing to look up Jon Kabat-Zinn but not Anderson Cooper. Oh America!) was one of the students. I’m at one of those hippy places. I literally freaked out when I walked into the herbal store. I farted and it smelled like patchouli. I’m part hippy apparently.
Here I am on the mountaintop as a way to take some time for myself, breathe non-Tenderloin air and reconnect to Ayurvedic bodywork traditions I learned years ago to add some new dimension to my bodywork practice. I’ve already had like 15 cups of chamomile, ginger and rooibos chai because every 10 feet at this place there’s a gigantic tea bar. I also just had my face rubbed 27,000 times with infused oil and now I smell like a loaf of exotic herbed bread. So here I am, the opportunity to chill the F out is in front of me and today I just keep thinking “Shit, now I need to do two days worth of blog posts” and “What the hell is this teacher doing he’s not demonstrating it effectively.” Damn, even up here closer to the heavens leaving IT all behind is tough. I came here to disconnect from the dis-ease that is often a life of anxiety, to-do lists and fears. This time is supposed to be for me, the me underneath all those thoughts. The guy that is more than what he does for a living or what he checks off a to-do list. So I’m reclaiming it, reclaiming the me that I came here to be with. If I don’t find him in the quiet of a majestic redwood or on a walk peppered with wild turkeys and deer, he becomes even more elusive as the years roll by. As Yoda might say, “Lose yourself you will.”
Letting everyday life go for a moment really is challenging. Sometimes the mantra sounds like more, more, more, do, do, do! Truthfully, I don’t even know how I’m here. But I am and it feels like some sort of cosmic shit that I can’t even write about because I don’t have the language to express the sensations, knowingness and full fledged not knowingness about it. I don’t even know what that last sentence means. It’s that weird to me. I am here and I have to take this opportunity and find my gratitude in every moment that presents itself to me because I’m so so so aware of the fact that most people don’t get, make or receive this kind of moment, this opportunity to disconnect in order to reconnect.
I can feel the grip of my tiny business, ruminations, lists, plans, worries and fears slowly loosening like the ties of a corset in a black and white sexy moment in Madonna’s Erotica video. Being in a completely new environment with an energy of goodness, service and community makes for a great starting point.
For the rest of my time here I’m going to remember to breathe. I’m going to celebrate the bounty of wholesome food prepared by the smiling women behind the counter. I’m going to write once a day as a form of creative expression. I’m going to be kind with myself when my teacher isn’t teaching the way I want him to teach. I’m going to be thankful for the knowledge he shares with me regardless of his method of delivery. I’m going to be grateful that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m going to embrace the room full of strangers who are learning by my side and taking healing traditions out into the world to support and nurture the innate healing ability that lives inside all of us. I’m going to stop and sit amongst the redwoods and not rush to be anywhere else other than right there. And I’m going to remind myself that nothing matters except for the moment to moment life I’m experiencing. I’m going to be here now.
“Work honestly, meditate every day, meet people without fear, and play.”
―Baba Hari Dass, also known as Babaji
A monk, silent since 1952. His teachings are the inspiration for Mount Madonna Center and Mount Madonna Institute. A yogi, author, philosopher and proponent of Ayurveda.